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A Necklace That Tracks My Every Move… As If You Deserve to Know.
This is a GPS cat tracker designed for hoomans who panic every time I disappear into my secret kingdom (also known as the neighbor’s yard). It gives real-time location tracking and health insights, so you can stop imagining my dramatic demise every 12 minutes. If your cat goes outside—or even thinks about it—this solves your anxiety problem instantly.
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A Swab That Dares to Explain Me.
This is a cat DNA test kit for hoomans who are tired of guessing what kind of chaos they adopted. With a simple cheek swab, it reveals breed traits, health markers, and even dental insights—so you can stop Googling symptoms at 2 AM and start pretending you’re informed. It’s part science, part curiosity and part emotional risk.
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Remote Surveillance, Funded by Treats.
A smart pet camera with treat tossing for clingy, guilt-ridden hoomans who need constant reassurance and forgiveness. The Furbo Mini 360° camera lets you monitor, talk to, and occasionally appease your cat remotely. It solves your biggest problem: “My cat ignores me.” Now you can interrupt my peace and pay for it in snacks.
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A Luxury Toilet… For Someone Who Kicks Sand Dramatically.
This automatic self-cleaning litter box is for hoomans who are tired of scooping my masterpieces and pretending it’s not ruining their day. It detects when I’ve graced it with my presence, cleans itself, and traps the smell like a respectable servant should. If your current litter situation involves regret, odor, and quiet resentment, this fixes it.
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A Machine That Replaces You… and Somehow Does It Better.
This is an automatic cat feeder designed for hoomans who forget meals, overfeed out of guilt, or simply cannot be trusted with basic feline scheduling. It dispenses precise portions of dry food on a programmable schedule, ensuring I am fed whether you are present, asleep, or emotionally unavailable. It solves your inconsistency problem—and replaces your only real job. I have mixed feelings.
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A Frenzied Little Orb That Refuses to Let Me Be Lazy in Peace.
This is an interactive automatic cat toy ball designed for bored indoor cats and overwhelmed hoomans who cannot provide 24/7 entertainment (how tragic). It moves on its own, dodges obstacles, and keeps me chasing something that isn’t your ankles at 3 AM. If your cat is under-stimulated, destructive, or quietly plotting chaos, this fixes that annoyingly well.
